Author Archives: alicamckennajohnson

About alicamckennajohnson

Alica McKenna Johnson writes about snarky girls, kind boys, and the adults trying to keep them alive. After day dreaming for the first thirty years of life, Alica finally began writing her stories down, much to the delight of her readers. As Alica sits in her armchair at home dreaming of traveling the world, her diverse characters explore for her listening to music, seeing the sights, and eating exotic foods.

International dance moves

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So I found this

Which is awesome and I shall diligently practice in case I ever get to travel to Canada. Then I wondered if there were more.

I found Korean, ’cause Kpop is king.

I like tutorial on how to dance in club because she takes into account that my awesomeness could be intimidating.

Now imagine for a second that someone is willing to dance with me … it could happen! I shall have to memorize these righteous moves.

And of course I want to help the guys, but honestly I leaned a lot of club culture/body language from this video. Apparently I should be ‘testing guys’ as they approach me at the club. You know, if I was ever approached, or could stay up late enough to go to a club.

Do you have any sure-fire dance moves we all should learn??

What was your excuse?

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So you can’t do it why? Cause you’re not strong enough, fit enough, thin enough? What exactly are you letting hold you back, cause after watching these I’d challenge your excuses. If you want it you can make it happen. I believe in you! Now I just need to believe in me. :)

She’s smooth as Chunky Peanut Butter

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My daughter is smooth.

My daughter is smooth.

So last night I am sitting on my couch talking to my DD when she puts her hand over my eyes. “Shush” she says as I hear the rustling of the money on the table.

She removes her hand and had stuffed the bills in her bra. Grinning she says, “I’m smooth as chunky peanut butter. Oops missed one.”

She grabs the last dollar and stands up grinning at me whispers, “Smooth.”

She walks to the door, goes all ‘Aunt Brandy’ (flips me off playfully—it’s a thing at my house) then runs off cackling.

Why do I keep these people around?

Irrational Fears, Dating

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Since I am a writer, my brain is a special place. And I frequently have random weird thoughts pop into my head which turn into random weird scenarios and then into random weird fears.

One such weird fear is, what if I had to date again???

I am currently married and if I haven’t scared him off by now,—it’s been sixteen years (Holy shit really?)—then he’s probably not going anywhere. Kind of like life in prison, sure there are bars, but now you’re used to it, and it’s home.

Anyway I saw one of those online matching people services and wondered who would pick me if I put up a profile. Which got me to wonder about dating. Which quickly turned into fear as my entire dating experience is from high school.

I won’t talk about it, but I almost died of embarrassment just thinking about how I acted back then. In theory I would behave differently now, but what if I didn’t? What if I reverted back to sixteen every time I met a guy I liked? What if I used the same classy, sexy, seductive moves to let them know I wanted to be kissed?

TMI, but I just threw up a little in my mouth at the thought.

I am sure there are books, counselors, aversion therapists that could help me out IF hubby ever broke free of the chains. I DO keep them padded for his comfort. And seriously we have two kids, shouldn’t I be more worried about them, or money, or something real then if I’ll act like a clueless sixteen year old if I go on a date?

But such is the brain of writers. We create worlds, people, monsters, and fantasy. Unfortunately our own life is often at risk of such nefarious godlike plotting.

What are your irrational fears? Come on you have to have something better than spiders.

Do Your Kids Omegle? Because they’re seeing dick if they do.

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My daughter is not impressed.

My daughter is not impressed.


Me How was the party last night?

DD It was awesome. We went on Omegle and there were some cool people we chatted with and then we got this old guy showing up his dick, and we screamed, and I think R was damaged cause she’s actually nice and innocent. Anyway we found a pic of a better dick and sent it to him.

Me Excuse me what???

So Omegle is a social media site that hooks you up with strangers. You don’t create a profile, put in your email, or name, you do have to say you’re over the age of 18, SURPRISE kids are using it.

So you get on and agree to behave then wait and suddenly there is a stranger there before you ready to talk, or show you his dick. Now you can add your interests when you get on, meeting someone, anime, knitting, dick, whatever and the site will connect you to people who have also put those things as interests, so you can narrow things down.
DD tells me she mostly uses it to connect with people who like Homestuck and apparently people will cos-play and act out scenarios with other cos-players if they’re online.

Anyway, back to the dick. My DD isn’t concerned or offended by this, she hits stop and they go away. Okay, she now says, “Wow, that looks like a dick only smaller.” Then goes away.

The other night she and her brother were on Omegle and set up the lights and such so when they got someone a red light would surround DD and they would invite the person to join in their satanic ritual. Yes, Omegle is a great place for practical jokes. Most people laughed, some just left, and one guy jumped up grabbed a goat skull and said he was ready.

Not sure what to do about DD, if anything, but I wanted to let the rest of you know what Omegle is and what can be going on there. And while the people you connect with can’t find out who you are from the site itself, you are able to give the stranger you’re chatting to any information you want.

So here is a fun video of an Omegle prank.

In my head I can dance.

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Well it’s not that I can’t dance, I can a little and I used to take belly dance classes. While I wasn’t amazing I didn’t suck. Even still it’s not a skill I’ve kept up. And yet in my head this is how I look when I dance.

Who can you dance like when you’re alone and no one can see you?

Kill all the germs!!

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Photo by P33TR on wikicommons

Photo by P33TR on wikicommons


So today I held the hand of one of the elementary school kids as we walked home, a mistake I shall not repeat. Thirty minutes later the houseparent comes and asks me to look at his eye.

Oh yes, he has pink eye.

OMG I TOUCHED PINK EYE GERMS.

I am calm in front the child. Once they leave I grab the Lysol and spray EVERYTHING I can remember touching and a lot I don’t. I spray light switches, door handles, my call phone, the computer, and my keys. Then I use hand sanitizer and give huge snotty globs of it to all the kids to rub over their hands and arms, maybe their faces if they have some left over.

My eyes itch like crazy, probably a combination of hypochondria, the chemicals filling the air, and the most evil pink eye virus which will obviously EAT MY EYES!!!

So any pink eye advice? Not that I’ll need it, cause soon my eye balls will be gone, leaving behind nothing but gooey holes in my head.