My son is seventeen today. Who let that happen? I want to write something poignant and funny, but it just isn’t flowing like that this morning.
Some days I’m shocked when this young man walks into the room towering over me and saying, Hey mom what’s there to eat?” I keep expecting to see my young son and his little sister belly crawl across the floor in camo and face paint. And while I might still see Logan doing that he couldn’t talk Tala into it any more.
I don’t miss those days- I was there for them, every single one. My husband and I chose to have me stay at home. We chose to live with one car, no cable, no insurance, and just above poverty level so I could stay home and home school our kids. When I see Logan I know it was all worth it.
I gave myself until my kids turned 25 to decided if I had done a good job as a parent. I know I’ve made mistakes- I can easily list them- but over all I’ve done a good job, and I know this because my son is awesome.
Logan is everything I had hoped he would be- kind, thoughtful, respectful, strong, intelligent, self-assured, independent, self-motivated, and adventurous.
When Logan was a baby I was holding him up in front of a mirror and he was smiling at himself the way babies do, and I remember thinking I hope he always looks in the mirror and feels that way about himself, and I think he does.
I also said- while pregnant- that Calvin’s parent (from Calvin and Hobbs- just didn’t appreciate him enough. I have regretted saying that- as I think my son has stopped my heart dozen of times as he climbed light poles, jumped from the top of one play structure to another, fell from twenty feet in the air doing aerial silks, did basic training with Sea Cadets in another state, studies parkour or free running, and next year he wants to go to Kenya. KENYA! None of us even have a passport, but my son is headed so far away I won’t even be able to reach him if he needs me. Not that he will. But still- I will be freaking out.
Some how I have managed to keep my ass in my chair and let my son be who he is and explore the world. How did I do it? It’s easy. I didn’t watch. I sat with my back to Logan and as other mom’s would gasp with fear as he made it ¾ up a light pole I would listen, and wait to find out if he needed me. I kept my fears and worries to myself- well other then ranting to my husband- and I let my son be who he is. And I think it’s the greatest thing I have ever done.