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Okay, okay you caught me. After three days I woke up an hour earlier than normal, did 30 minutes of yoga, went for a 40 min walk, worked a full day, then came home and forced myself to get writing and other work done at home. The next day I was exhausted, felt like a lazy, fat, old, failure and worried that I would never fully regain my health.

Then a moment of rational thought popped into my brain, and I realized that having had sleep apnea for more than a year my body was not in good shape. My muscles had been deprived of oxygen and exercise. I had put on a significant amount of weight and had been mostly sedentary.

I need to slow down.

I need to be gentle with myself.

I switched from yoga I could do three years ago to beginner’s yoga.

I am careful to get to bed early and wake up 15 minutes earlier than normal.

I make sure there are healthy things for me to eat that are quick to cook.

I give myself down time after work and do only a few easy tasks.

This feels so much better but weirdly foreign, like I don’t have the right to be gentle. Like if I am going to get healthy I should do so in this crazy, abusive, balls-to-the wall way. Which is ridiculous, but a lot of my self-talk is.

Any advice for my healing journey? Anything that helped you as you came back from illness to your best self?