Lately I have been eating in a way that makes me feel good. Doing yoga, which I love, and getting good quality sleep. So when I started to fall into a depression spiral I was very confused. My body didn’t feel depressed. I wasn’t tired, lethargic, or physically apathetic. Emotionally and mentally I wanted to stay in bed all day. Tell people to fuck off. Eat my weight in fried foods. But physically I wasn’t falling into that depressive space.
It is so weird and disconcerting. Like when you are speeding down the highway and looking out the side window. The world is zipping by, but you don’t feel like you’re moving, and your brain revolts, and your stomach freaks out, and you throw-up everywhere.
It feels like that.
I suppose I should be happy that my body isn’t physically reacting to my depression. Maybe it won’t last as long. Then again it might last even longer. Who knows?
All I know is that today I want to do yoga, binge on pizza, walk in the sun, and devour an entire plate of nachos while watching Moana so I can cry and laugh.