The Apocalypse is here! Yes, grab your guns and lets start
killing . . . um I mean grab your survival gear and let’s work together so the human race doesn’t go extinct.
So today’s questions is : Who Is On Your Team?
Team 1: I am an Army of One! I have my bags packed and ready in my closet, guns oiled and fully loaded, and several caches of supplies and ammo in various secret locations. My goal is to survive and have fun doing it. I have behaved well long enough. When this shit goes down, I am grabbing my list and killing me some morons, and the guy who cut my off in traffic yesterday! Waving a white flag won’t save you from my wrath (please say with a British accent it sounds cooler) however waving chocolate might buy you an hour’s head start.
Team 2: It’s all about survival, people. I have chosen a group of survival and weapons experts. We will dominate and secure our ideal area. Once that has happened will begin to allow civilians inside the compound. People will need to prove their worth, and we are taking applications so leave your name and skill set in the comments, those deemed worthy will be contacted by our head of HR and light weapons expert, Peggy.
Team 3 My team has been more carefully chosen then the disciples of Christ. Survival is black and white, you do or you die. I have put together the best survival experts, weapons experts, and communications experts (together they speak 10 languages including sign, know Morse code, smoke signals, and light signaling). This well-trained group will insure the survival and continued protection of the group of experts who will insure our continued survival.
Those skilled in traditional arts: blacksmiths, natural farmers, master carpenters, weavers, knitters, cobblers, tanners, canners, dyers, water and solar engineers, millers, butchers, bakers, and candle stick makers.
We also have a veterinarian, dentist, doctor, herbalist, and midwife. They all have experience working in third-world countries, with their spouses and children, who we have to bring along to insure our experts would come.
Everyone is training physically and mentally each week and gathering tools, supplies, and personal items for when the Event happens. While we aren’t taking applications at this time if you have a skill not mentioned about please put it in the comments and our surveillance team will do a thorough check on you before kidnapping you for the initial interview.
Team 4: I am going to wait out the crazy. I have enough food and supplies for four people to survive for ten years in the bunker under my house. I am taking applications for sex slaves, friends to hang out with. Ideal skills include: massage, cooking, gaming talent, and flexibility—both mental and physical. No druggies, must be able to pass physical health screening, must love Spam.
Team 5: I have always known I am Royalty, and now is my time to be one. I have carefully stored items that will be valuable and impossible to get within a year or two after the Event. Those on my team are my masseuse, chief, manicurist, and hairstylist. I have a place stocked and ready to go. Once this violence is settled, I will emerge in all my glory and ready to trade the items I have wisely stored. Just think how much food I can get for a package of condoms and some flavored lube. I am still in need of a security team, please comment below with your qualifications and willingness to wear a kilt.
Team 6: I hate people,. I am fully stocked and ready to survive alone for ten or more years. My place is so isolated and remote that few will ever find me and those who do will be taken care of by my booby traps and pack of wolves. Don’t bother leaving comments, I need no one. I have solar cells hooked up and have downloaded from Amazon every book, movie, and show. The thought of being alone for years makes my heart flutter.
Team 7: I live in a third-world country. My life won’t change much, except there won’t be annoying tourists popping up.
So which team are you a part of? Or do you need to start one? Have I forgotten an option? If so please let me know how you plan to survive the Apocalypse.