I am by nature a brat. Through a healthy diet, proper sleep, exercise, and a strong routine, I can get a lot done. But if one of these is messed up, everything is in jeopardy.
I do my best to stick to my goals and routines, and settle back into who I want to be. However, there is a guaranteed self-destruct button labeled should.
If I can’t get myself back on track inevitably I was say to myself, “Hey, Alica, you should___________.” It doesn’t matter what is in that blank: take a shower, chop some veggies, eat fruit, write a bit more. Suddenly I’m sitting on my ass, reading, and eating potato chips. From the bag—no portioned controlled bowl for me!
I try, I really do. I try to use “could,” as in “I could write for an hour.” But “could” is just a “should” in skinny jeans and a Duran Duran tee shirt.
Now “need,” if backed by my boss, the stench from my body, or a pink bill, will get me moving again. But I can tell a fake “need” from an actual “You will be in trouble if you don’t do this need.”
This sounds amazingly childish, and honestly it really is childish, but this is who I am. Apparently I get things done when someone in a position of authority expects something from me. Getting stuff done on my own, for myself, not so good.
Pathetic right? And not such a good fit for a self-publishing author.
I’ve tried different things, but really it comes down to tempting myself into doing something as one would a small child. “Just do ten minutes. You can even set the timer. Just write for ten minutes and then you can have a piece of candy.”
This will usually result in my remembering that I love writing and I write for a while once I get warmed up.
This also works with chores, and even food. Hey, just add a cup of fruit to your lunch, the rest can be Cheetos.
What is crazy and the most depressing, if I think about it, is that I like having a clean house. I like eating healthy foods. Most of the things I resist doing ,I enjoy, or at least enjoy the outcome.
I feel ridiculous, like Sheldon so wrapped up in only doing what the dice allow him to do, he can’t even go to the bathroom! Hey wait, maybe that would work! Maybe when I get like this I could just roll the dice: evens I do something productive for a while, odds I sit and read. That way I’d have a 50% chance of getting something done during the day!
I could roll as I complete a task, or end a chapter. OMG! The Big Bang Theory is brilliant. This changes everything, I’ll just become like Sheldon!
What do you think, do I have a good plan? And, by the way, I hate to be rude but you’re in my spot.