Okay so I’m calling what I’m doing a cleanse, because that’s what it is. I am cleansing my body to try and break unhealthy eating habits, and also trying to create new ones. Anyway now to the fun part- my thoughts, such as they were, for the first week of raw fruit and one protein shake per day.

Day 1- I am high on excitement and self-righteousness. I will beat my unhealthy eating habits. I will rise above negative thinking and slay the dieting yo-yo. I am the master of my destiny!

I kicked but during my workout! And while I feel a touch light headed it’s not enough to stop me!

This lasts until I feed the children dinner and damn it- I’m hungry, but I have told too many people about this so my ego comes to the rescue and I sit and smile while they eat. After I eat some dates. Rod (hubby) brings me a plate of tomatoes and avocado. I chew slowly to make it last.

A yummy breakfast Rod made for me.

Day 2- I expected to wake up so hungry I would try and bit someone, but thankfully due to Evil (aka my personal trainer) being in a good mood yesterday I am so sore I can’t even feel my stomach. So my breakfast of fresh fruit is welcome and enough. I’m thinking about making fruit for breakfast a life long thing. I like feeling this light.

I also feel like I look smaller- my upper stomach isn’t pooching out because I stuffed myself full of food.

I worked out, I never felt light headed, but I know I do have muscles because everyone of them hurts! My torture partner feels the same way so it’s Evil’s fault not my diet.

By post workout protein smoothie.

Okay tonight I was tested, not only was there popcorn in the house- yum. One of my work kids threw a big fit- it last about 45min. Normally the stress would have me making nachos, but that was not to be. What did I discover, that while yes I was stressed out I was also able to cope. I took some aspirin for my headache and some Melissa (Lemon Balm) for my stressed and racing brain and was able to fall asleep with no problem.

Day 3- Is the bitchy day- there was a lot of cussing when not around children and a lot of cussing going on in my head when around children. It was difficult to get through dinner, but my ego prevailed- this is why you tell people what you’re doing so your ego can pull you through.

Made it to the end of the day- my energy was good, I didn’t need my nap and Rod made me some amazing guacamole for dinner- I ate it with sliced cucumbers- yum!

Oh and I was able to button a pair of jeans I couldn’t last week- I still couldn’t zip them but I was an inch away from buttoning them week- so major improvement. It’s interesting how much space food takes up. I think I need to add portion control to my list of stuff I’m working on.

Day 4- I started out good. Some friends took me to the movies and I smuggled in grapes. I was worried that the smells of popcorn, nachos, and candy would do me in, but it has been ages since I went to the movies and I got so sucked into it that I didn’t care. The Avengers is amazing!! Joss Whedon is a movie making god!

I get one weekend off a month- this was my weekend. Normally it’s a time of great indulgence, so I had a difficult time settling into my fruit only routine. Dumped a ton of salsa into my guacamole tonight just for a different flavor!

Day 5- Took my family, who were feeling very betrayed, to The Avengers. Rod was a sweetie and didn’t eat the popcorn even though he loves it- daughter (Tala) has a black mark on the record now for happily munching away.

After words we went shopping. By the end I was very tired and felt really overwhelmed by all the people and energy around me.

More guacamole and cucumbers for dinner, then we went out to a fund raiser for my daughters school. There was a buffet filled with all sorts of snacky stuff. Rod filled a plate with strawberries and got a me a water- and he didn’t get anything for himself, he so rocks!

Everything was fine until I got a call about intense drama with my work kids. I became very anxious and had a lot of difficultly calming down. My poor co-workers must have gotten a dozen calls. They were very sweet, and of course they took care of everything as I knew they would. But not being there, not being able to get there easily, and feeling that out of control- that’s why I eat. I wasn’t hungry, but damn I wanted those friggin’ chips and candies!

I made it, I breathed and focused on the facts and tried to keep my writers brain controlled and not letting it run off with a problem that was fully under control into an apocalyptic event. I took Melissa to fall asleep.

Another yummy breakfast

Day 6 – Woke thinking about work kids- called and checked in took more Melissa. Watched Season One of Sherlock- just as awesome as I remember. Went grocery shopping with Rod and picked out some stuff. Came home and watched Ra-One and then took a nap.

Today was difficult, I was very emotional and wasn’t able to numb my emotions in my normal way. I did write in my gratitude journal to try and keep myself focused. This is the biggest habit I’m trying to break. So good practice I got through big emotional issues without major trouble.