To say my life is frustrating does not convey the daily restraint required to not commit acts which would require some friends, shovels, and a six foot hole.
I can feel a breakdown coming soon. It might involve Mojitos and there will be crying. But then I hope to achieve a moment of anti-Zen.
“But what is anti-Zen?” you ask. Let me ‘splain.
Zen is about detachment, things are what they are, and about being in the moment. You seek, and so I’ve heard, gain these qualities in quiet contemplation and meditation. What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Anti- Zen is when I have a hissy fit. I scream, cry, rant at the world, and the unfairness of everything. And near the end of this epic emotional purging I give up (not letting go as in Zen) but give the bleep up. I can’t change this. I can’t fix this. I simply can’t. In that moment I give up my desires for things to be different because what is, is, even when it sucks bleep. I give my hopes of it changing or controlling it.
Then I collapse on the floor in in heap, making those pitiful gasping hiccups people do when they’ve been crying. And I feel better. I’ve let it go, and I can go on with my life and my routine. I know it sounds really bad, but I have no time or space for quiet meditation and I couldn’t get my mind to shut-up even if I wanted too. You creative types out there know what I’m talking about.
Have you even had a moment of anti-Zen? Have you ever reach a space of enlightenment through the sewer instead of the temple?